I get the newsletter from Jennifer Hoffman, Insights from Uriel Heals. I just love her articles! And this one is no exception, I wanted to share it.
check online for her website or request her newsletter at firstname.lastname@example.org.
The Arrows we Stab in Our Own Hearts
A reader shared a poem that so eloquently describes what happens when we accept the shame and guilt that others set before us. In the last lines the author writes, “I refuse to take up the arrows of shame and stab them into my own heart…”. Each time we feel guilty or see ourselves through the eyes of shame, we are stabbing ourselves in the heart, destroying our own dreams and making ourselves powerless. But do we really have a choice in this matter? How shameful is our shame and how much guilt is ours to bear and how long do we have to bear it?
Do the people who are part of our shame and guilt love us? We can be tempted to think they do not or that their love is conditional, based on our acceptance of their opinions of who we are and what we should do. Is there another way to have a relationship with them that does not involve shame and guilt? We can if we do two things, change how we see ourselves and then set new boundaries for our relationships. Accepting shame and guilt are the choice through which we stab our own hearts. But there are other ways to live.
One of the most powerful words we have in our vocabulary is “No” but what a hard word it is for us to use. We are afraid to say it to others, so we don’t hurt their feelings. We are afraid to say “no” to those who love us conditionally because we are afraid to risk abandonment. With “No” we assert our power, unveil our needs (often for the first time) and establish our foundation and right to “be”. While that is powerful, it is also very hard to say “no” to the guilt and shame, “which represent a truth we have long believed in. Then we have to create a new truth for our life. Is it easier to believe an old lie than to create a new truth?
Before that, though, we have to learn to say “NO” to the guilt and shame, to the part of us that believes in their truth and in the value of the relationships that are based on it. If we do this, do we stand alone? We stand without those that our guilt and shame originates with but we are not alone. Can we find truth in a belief if we think we are the only person who believes it? Is it still valuable? How many times have you used guilt and shame to stab your own heart? How willing are you to say “no” to everything that is not resonating with the truth of your divinity and power so you can be transformed into the person you know you can be, without the guilt and shame that make you feel less than that? Make a choice for your truth and end guilt and shame forever.
I will talk about this in greater detail on this week’s radio show on Blog Talk Radio… from Jennifer Hoffman’s newsletter.